Moving On

'You need someone to treat you like a queen you deserve it. I'm not sure that's me.' Words ringing in her head pounding with the headache from the hangover. Two days of drinking, starting the process of cutting off her emotions for Cole. He had thought she wanted someone to spoil her, be manly aggressive or hardcore. Sure she liked men who could be that be that way but not all the time. Sinister had caught her attention before but she didn't think about him being her old man. Maybe as a great one stand a couple times. Groaning her hand went to her head and brown eyes closed to the pain that was coursing through her body. Her phone started going off. Text messages and calls. She had probably slept with a guy or two. Hell she knew she had made out with a fair share of chicks while she was drunk. The video on her phone was proof of that. God she felt like a whore. 'Just don't see me as some sort of hero when I'm anything but ok?' Had she tried to make him out to be a hero. She wasn't trying to. A hero wasn't anything she needed or wanted and that's what she had told him. When her ringer started to make her headache worse she cut her phone off and threw it at the wall. Hearing the crunch of it breaking she huffed. She would have to get another one. Lacey had been nice enough to go with her to keep an eye on her. She had told her friend not to stop her from doing anything and Lacey hadn't. She had drunk with her and had fun right along with her but stopped so she could drive her bike back. Jas had taken a cab. No way she could have held onto LJ. 'I need you to understand me like you want to be understood. Maybe we are on different levels.' Rolling over on the bed she felt her stomach doing flips and turns it wasn't suppose to. It could be waited out if she didn't move. 'I think you are sexy beautiful sassy and strong and any man would be lucky to have you be his. I'm just scared I'm not him and you would pass the right one by because you were focused on me.' That had really cut through her heart. He had sold himself short, in her eyes anyways. There hadn't been anything she had told him to make him think otherwise. 'I can make myself detached. I've done it since I was seven. A guy doesn't want me I can focus on what Dawn and Cullen asked. Train and make sure I don't get killed or caught. I guess I'll see you around papi.' Those had been her final words to him. Cullen and Dawn both needed her to step up. They needed her focused to train. Become a person that could be ready to defend the club and it's members. She was ready now. Her objective would be to train in every aspect to make herself better. Stomach rolling again but this time it rose higher. Getting up as quickly as she could she made her way to the bathroom and made it to the toliet just in time. She held onto the sides of the toliet as she emptied the contents of liquor vomit into the porcelain bowl. After a few minutes she felt the sweat on her body. She was panting trying to catch her breath while the sweat trickled down between her breasts down to her stomach. She grabbed herself a towel and wiped her mouth free of any remaining vomit. Cullen wasn't going to happy with her if he found out. She'd had have to train all morning up until they left to make up for the two days. When she had came back she bought her own room so luckily no one was going to see her in this state. Leaning over she cut the shower on on cool just to start out. Hands shaking a bit she shook her head and rose to her feet. She moved to the sink and looked herself over in the mirror. Damn she looked like hell. Rinsing her face off first then brushing her teeth she threw her beater off and tossed her thong to the side. Stepping inside she let the water hit her while her hand rested against the tile. Head rested against the back of hand while her eyes closed. Remembering Cullen's words the night she realized she needed to toughen up and stop making excuses echoed through her head. With the water running down her back she took a deep breath and straightened up to clean herself up. It was time to stop acting like a heart broken puppy and move on. Move towards making herself better, stronger, faster. Emotionless. Show no weakness or fear. When she was finished she got dressed, grabbed up her music player, and went out the door to start her training.